Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
