There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
