You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
