We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
