omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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