i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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