I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
