In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
