My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
