you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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