i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
