I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
