he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
