i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
be right there i have to get my cape
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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