True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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