I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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