I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to make out with him forever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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