"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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