During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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