y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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