Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
