Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
