she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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