I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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