Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
