So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
