I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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