eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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