Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
