the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sarcasm needs its own font
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
