Your dad touched me again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
