At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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