Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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