So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
