That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
