Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
