You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
