Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
