YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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