we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That was an excessively violent trivia night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
