i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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