During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
