how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
