She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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