i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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