Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
