he puts the penis in happiness.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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