So drunk its hurt
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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