Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
