i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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