we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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