Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
