I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
